1. John Taglieri
2. Paul French
3. Geoff Smith
4. The Fire Apes
5. Griffen Gilgamesh
6. The Ampersands
7. Grace Potter and the Nocturnals

According to reports on the net, our friends at Mevio have gotten another round of venture capital - this time in the amount of $15 million dollars. I don't know the first thing about venture capital, how it works, or what is expected in return - all I know is that is a lot of greenbacks. I'm sure we can expect some good stuff out of this. However, in my continuing effort to help out those wacky kids, here's how they should spend the cash:

1. Improved bagels on Fridays. Perhaps even some of those funky cream cheeses.
2. Squash some blubrrys
3. Two words: "Stripper Tuesday"
4. Get Trinity a lube job - the car, not the secretary.
5. Open a Mevio office in New Jersey. We've got connections (I'll say no more about this).
6. Send a fruit basket to Steve Jobs
7. Flu clinic with Dr. Ron Paul
8. Diction lessons for Comic Strip Blogger.
9. Hair Gel, Hair Gel, Hair Gel.
10. Free tanks of gas for every listener of the Jersey Toddshow. There might be a few bucks left over after this.

1. Geoff Smith
2. The Maine
3. Little Plastic Stars
4. Kelly Zullo
5. Rick Barry

I am starting to get the reports in about the Supreme Court's ruling today in District of Columbia v. Heller, in which the Court struck down the District of Columbia's 32-year-old ban on handguns as incompatible with gun rights under the Second Amendment.

Dick Anthony Heller, 66, an armed security guard, sued the District after it rejected his application to keep a handgun at his home for protection in the same Capitol Hill neighborhood as the court.

The U.S. Court of Appeals for the District of Columbia ruled in Heller's favor and struck down Washington's handgun ban, saying the Constitution guarantees Americans the right to own guns and that a total prohibition on handguns is not compatible with that right., the Supreme Court upheld that decision by a 5-4 margin.

Justice Scalia (who looks so much like Emeril Lagasse, that I half expect that he says "Bam!" every time he finishes a decision), writing for the majority, went with an interpretation of the Second Amendment from a historical perspective, saying that the Constitution does not permit "the absolute prohibition of handguns held and used for self-defense in the home."

There is an old saying, "bad cases make bad law", and I think this is the situation here. Mr. Heller appears to have been a responsible gun user, and dear-lord-don't-let-my-progressive-friends-read-this, but from a strict textualist interpretation of the Constitution, Justice Scalia is perfectly right, as the law applies to Mr. Heller.

The problem is, however, in the application of this case to other cases. I am terrified that the ruling may create other bad cases. For example, what's to stop a legislature from presuming that all people in a crime ridden neighborhood are not keeping guns for self-defense, but to commit crimes? You know what they say â one bad apple ruins it for the whole bunch.

How is this going to affect machine guns or other heavy firearms? Because you know me, I believe that a good self-defense is a good offense. I think I should be able to keep a Spanish cannon on top of my house and shoot golden cannonballs at the mail man, because Iâm convinced that that this frakker is bringing me some bad news.

But Justice Scalia says that I can only have a gun for self-defense in the home. So I guess that means when Aunt Mary comes at me with another helping of that corn and Land OâLakes monstrosity because that thing is a killer.

But whatâs great about this is that we can thank Justice Scalia â big time â remember all those Federal laws banning assault rifles and machine guns. Well, those puppies are done and done now â because baby, Iâve played Doom, and Iâve seen Dawn of the Dead, and you know I just think Iâm gonna have to on over to my local Wal-Mart and get me a rail gun. Because when those level 2 Orcs break through my outer defenses I better possess a whole lot of fire power.

But remember, Justice Scalia says that you can only posess a gun in the house for self-defense. So remember, no cracking walnuts with your pea-shooter. No driving in the last nail with your Tommy-gun. Oh and if you intend to have a gun in your house to shoot yourself in the foot, or otherwise harm yourself â well, thatâs against the law.

And I love this â did you know that convicted felons in this country lose the right to possess a fire arm. They canât even have a gun for self-defense. Arenât they the ones who need them the most?? Jeez, if you rob a bank or sell drugs, man youâre going to have some enemies!

Hereâs what I think, and I know George would have approved, and I think Justice Scalia would approve, too. We need more guns. You move into a new house, there should be an AK-AK with a bow on the counter right next to a bowl of fruit. You get a promotion at work, âhey bob, hereâs that gold silencer we promised you.â

We need guns for every man, woman and child. Think of the business opportunities. This would jump start the economy: the new iPopper â it plays Mp3s and shoots .33s. Talk about your Saturday Night Special! Victoriaâs Secret could do a whole line of gun holsters. How hot is that?

But you know Scalia and the majority had even a problem with trigger locks, and I agree, because if some robber is coming after you who has time to get a key. Trust me the folks at Masterlock are fuming.

And think about the children. The poor wee children. Hell, between their Grand Theft Autos and Call of Dutyâs our kids are already a crack shot. But we are cheating them â cheating them. You wouldnât give your beautiful daughter a picture of a nutritious meal â no youâd want to give her the real thing, right? So stop depriving your kids, you bastard!

So at the end of the day, what does this all mean? It means that Mr. Heller was a nice little old man who didnât feel that his tax dollars were going to good use in having the DC Police take care of his safety. Mr. Heller, a security guard, wasnât so concerned about your and my security, but he wanted the option to blast a Jehovahâs Witness when they came to the door to sell him some Reeseâs Pieces.

And 5 Justices of the Supreme Court either liked him or liked the ability to pretend they could get into Thomas Jeffersonâs skull cap. I say good. You know who really benefits from this decision â the lawyers, the Judges, and of course the hospitals. Because now, every application for a gun is going to have to be viewed with ultra strict scrutiny that weâre going to need Tom Cruiseâs Minority Report team to figure out where the gunâs gonna go before we even give it to people.

Why should the Supreme Court do anything to protect us? We didnât vote for them. They donât owe us anything. They liked Heller and Heller gets to keep his gun. Nuthin for nuthin, maybe Scalia made the other four an offer they couldnât refuse. Or maybe, heâs in a fantasy world and thinks its Second Life and not the Second Amendment. Look, when other problems come up, screw it, weâll deal with that on a case by case basis. Its good. Those Supreme Court guys and gals are going to have enough work to keep them busy for life.

Already, there have been a ton of new lawsuits filed. In Atlanta today, there was a law suit filed attempting to over turn a law that bans guns in an airport terminal. You know George would have loved the idea of the words guns and terminal floating together. But what's better than an airport to have a gun when you're picking up mom and dad when they're finally back from their trip from the Yucatan. It certainly brings a whole new ring to the whole duty free thing. I'll take a case of Marlboro's and, wow, dear look at the discount - stick em up. Its all just so synchronous, and I think somewhere in heaven - George Carlin is smiling. 

Come to think of it, if George were here â he would have smacked me on the back of the head for saying that.

Check out my interview with the band Woodfish

Check out the show here

I've always been a huge fan of the Harlem Globetrotters and can't wait to take my kids to see them in a few years. I came across this video today and I thought it was amazing.

After a brief Summer rest, we're back with some rockin' tunes, including:

1. Woodfish
2. Carlos Bertonatti
3. David Keen
4. American Catapult

Thanks to PW Fenton for the help with the essay.

Listen to the show here

       I will concede something to you right now - I am not very bright at all. Seriously, I have my moments, but overall I am not the most naturally gifted individual out there. I will further concede to you that the weak point of my game is that devilâs bitch known as science.

    Not that I donât like science, I do. I just have the natural aptitude towards it that say, Paris Hilton has toward acting. I just kind of nod my head a little and say uh huh and pretend that I understand whatâs going on.

    So when I saw this article in todayâs paper, man my head almost exploded. Apparently, on the 51st State, Mars, theyâve got the incredibly cool Mars Phoenix Project going on. By the way, didnât the Mars Phoenix project do a rocking cover of âBlinded By the Lightâ at the Stone Pony in â82?

    Iâve been fascinated by everything going on Mars for years. I mean the moon I get, its like just right there, but Mars - man thatâs far away - and at four dollars a gallon youâd better believe that weâre not rushing to go back there anytime soon.

    Anyway, in this summerâs edition of the worldâs spaciest reality show, those folks at NASA are starting to play with remote control cars and digging toys Yeah, I know that they say that were dealing with some pretty sophisticated and expensive equipment that will provide us generations of scientific research but at the end of the day arenât they just some big geeky kids over there at NASA playing with amazingly cool toys. I mean its not rocket science what theyâre doing.

    Actually, it is rocket science. Theyâre frickinâ scientists over there. Today, in the paper, they actually reported that the NASA scientists believe that they saw actual ice on Mars because when they were using their dump truckâs scoop, they saw some white dots, and then in the next picture, the dots were gone.  Apparently, in the Martian thin Martian atmosphere, ice would turn into vapor rather than water - which is exactly the same thing that happens when a new M.Night Shamalan movie hits the movie theater lately - just evaporates into thin air. Jesus, with another stretch on a reference like that theyâre gonna strap my ass to a rocket and launch me like Wiley Coyote doing a sales call for the old ACME corp.

    But donât get swayed off the path on this one kids, because what I told you was actually a very big deal. Scientists believe that they saw water, the basic building block of life on an alien surface. This potentially is a big deal. But did you hear what I said about why they think they saw ice?

       Listen to the University of Arizona's Peter Smith, principal investigator for the Phoenix mission, "It must be ice. These little clumps completely disappearing over the course of a few days, that is perfect evidence that it's ice. There had been some question whether the bright material was salt. Salt can't do that."

    Holy Ghost of Patrick Scotty Doohon. Captain, I just donât believe it. You have got to be kidding me, that with all of their scientific doodaddery theyâre relying upon a god darn peek-a-boo theory on the greatest find in outer space? You have got to be kidding me. Iâve seen enough science fiction to know that Mr. Smith is the first red-shirt off the starship thatâs gonna get whacked. Give me a break. Thatâs like the first fifteen minutes of every bad science fiction movie that I ever seen. Next thing you know Sam Neill is going to telling me that those white dots are actually an interstellar gateway to the dark reaches of hell, and the crewâs gonna end up with their eyes all poked out.

    Ok, actually, as Iâm saying that - Scott Sigler - that ideaâs mine. Crap, I just gave him a rockinâ idea for yet another book. Call me Scott, weâll work out a deal.

    That being said, I havenât seen a worse scientific process since Kristie Alley decided to go on a crash diet. I mean come on - its Mars - the red planet - the âSun
planetâ - give me a break. Thereâs more of a chance of there being Ice in Beezelbubâs gin and tonic than there is that this stuff was actual ice. I mean I donât mean to alarm anyone, but Iâve picked up a log and seen the ants scurry away, so whatâs to think that these drops of whatever just didnât run away. My point is, just because an alien doesnât walk up to the video camera looking like former Indiana Pacer, Reggie Miller, doesnât mean they ainât out there, and for our friends at NASA to just assume....oh man, they better have them watch the Alien triology as a training film or someoneâs gonna have a little alien singing âHello, my darling, hello my babyâ right from their chest cavity.

    But let me give our Space Jockeys the benefit of the doubt, I did say that I really never paid attention in science class. I mean it is entirely possible, however unlikely, that science fiction has completely screwed with my cabeza. What does it mean if we really have discovered Martian Ice. Obviously, beyond the whole - very cold basic building block of life thing, this has some major implications for our society.

    I mean think about it, the manifestation of Hillary Clintonâs personality has finally been found to have been cloned on Mars.

    I mean can you imagine the potential commercial implications of this. Hell, Miller Ice just sounds so damn terrerstrial now, because the damn coldest drink in the universe has to be Coors Martian Ice. All those fantastic hip-hop artists, Ice Cube. Vanilla Ice, and friend of the Jersey Toddshow Ice-T, as well as George âthe Icemanâ Gervin, and Batman villain, Mr. Freeze are all gonna have to take out extensions on their copyright. Long time rivals, Flavor-Ice and Rocket Pops are going to ultimately have to merge to deal with their common interests. However, Icy-Hot may continue to remind people that if you get it on your johnson that it will give you a feeling thatâs âout of this world.â

    And oh my lord, can you imagine the prissy wenches at the gym with their $100 imported martian ice water. Donât even get me started

    I mean, I canât complain, because other than the discussion of Rush Limbaughâs sex life - when has frigidity gotten so much press?

    For that matter, hey NASA - why donât you guys figure out a way to bring some of that stuff back - Iâd love to try my Scotch with some of that there martian ice....

    Jeez, I probably should have paid better attention in school.

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On another note, people are always asking how to get more hits on their website to attract people to their sponsors. Its not about viral marketing or anything else - you just have to have the words, "Alyssa Milano Naked" or "Jessica Alba Boobs", and just let the search engines work their magic for you.

Hey, its not like I just put the words "Tom Cruise and John Travolta Gay" on my website just for the sole purpose of getting random hits to the page.

That would just be wrong.

This was left over on the Mevio site for the Jersey Toddshow, and I had to repost it here....

"One of the more entertaining shows ever! How is it he can find all the great music the fantastic briefs, and work for living too! I bow to Sir Jersey Todd and you should too!"

Uhm, throw in 400-crazed clients, a 3-year old and a 1-year old, and more extra curricular activities then I probably should be involved with, and the Answer is:

I have no freaking idea how I'm pulling this all off.

It does get easier, right?